Lavi's Day Off
by Doctor Yok
Summary: In the Order, there are days where everyone just decides to take the day off and relax. Lavi, however, uses his day off rather wisely.
1. His Hit List

It was the names of his victims, written out neatly, like a grocery list.

"Hmmm, lessee…" He chewed on the end of his pen, thinking hard.

_Things To Do_

Allen: _red wig, training dummy, paint, rope,_ _a bucket of jacks, scissors_

Kanda: _bleach_

Lenalee: _gum, wet floor signs, rope, tar, feathers_

Komui: _brown food coloring, vinegar_

Reever: _sleeping pills, a marker brush_

Leverrier: _paper, salt_

This list was as good as it was going to get. Six people, several items, and a single day. He could work with that.

And so he set about his business, deciding to use his day off to the best of his ability.

* * *

**A/N: **The key to this story is: brevity is wit. I know you're all used to my long, drawn out stories, so I decided something easier to swallow in five minutes or less would be a refreshing thing.

Credit goes to Inspiration Factory on Tumblr for the opening line at the top- she/he has amazing writing prompts, and if you have a Tumblr, I would suggest checking it out.

So tell me what you think! What is Lavi up to...?


	2. Allen

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -** Allen**

Lavi took the things in Allen's room, whistling as he went. Luckily, Allen was using his day off as well. That gave Lavi a perfect window of opportunity. In his duffel bag, he carried his required items, and he went about setting up his effigy with as much care as if he was creating a masterpiece. First came out the training dummy he'd taken from the training room. Then came the red wig, which was luckily just the right size, and afterwards the paint was unloaded.

He stood back after he had finished. It was a pretty good likeness. The redhead smiled to himself, fingering his eyepatch in a manner reminiscent of an old zoetrope villain. As a finishing touch, he created a confusing web of the rope that only his devious mind could comprehend before tying it to the door handle and rigging it with scissors. He pulled back the effigy, grunting at the weight of the dummy. Good thing Allen was robust…

And, finally, for the piece de resistance. He put the bucket of jacks just above the door, making sure to leave it uncovered. As quiet as a thief in the night, he tiptoed out of the room carefully.

Just as he reached the end of the hallway, Allen walked towards him with arms laden with goods that had obviously come from a bakery Allen was _extremely_fond of. It helped that the serving girl was cute.

"Hi, Lavi!" Allen cheerfully said with a smile. Lavi only smiled back and raised a hand.

"Hey," Lavi answered back, walking past. Allen stared after his friend over his shoulder, wondering at his sudden aloofness. He reached for the door of his room.

* * *

**A/N: **The vast majority of these will be 500 words or less. Now that you know what he's up to, what else do you expect he'll do...?


	3. Kanda

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - **Kanda**

It was simple. Kanda took cold showers in the morning, because he was inhuman and unholy. Sure, it meant he'd had to wake up early, but he figured it'd be worth it.

Lavi opened the bathroom door, whistling. A jug swung in his hand loosely, and his gait was light. The tile squeaked under his feet gaily.

He opened the shower stall. He'd had to pay attention this time around in the communal bathroom, honestly. That was only slightly awkward. Everything seemed to be where it needed to be, except...

Kanda had no shampoo bottle. Just a nasty looking bar of black and green soap.

Oh.

Lavi was going to have to get creative.

It took much standing upon that alcove where they put soap, strangling the shower head, and a few curse words, but he accomplished his goal. Proud of his ingenuity, he rubbed his hands together and stared at the shower head. It looked exactly the same. The only thing different was a white dot behind the cover.

The poor sucker would never know what hit him.

Kanda brushed past him on his way to the bathroom, apathetically neglecting to realize Lavi was carrying part of his wash rag and a bottle of bleach.

* * *

**A/N: **Yet another installment! Thank you thank you thank you for so many reviews! Four on two chapters, that's not bad, considering each of these is only about five hundred words at most. Sweetness! Keep 'em coming.


	4. Lenalee

- - - - - - - - - -** Lenalee**

Lavi stood there with his supplies. He wasn't quite sure how he wanted this, but he'd figure it out.

First, he put out the floor signs and opened the service door. She came down this way every day. She wouldn't think anything of the detour. He'd seen her take long walks the other way around that took three hours to navigate. That girl could walk.

Next, he put down the gum after a bit of chewing. That door would open eventually on the other side. She'd just have to jerk it a while.

Next, he rigged up the trough of tar. The ceiling was higher here than he expected... Looked like his civil engineering was going to be needed yet again. Good thing that rope was strong.

And, for the final touches, he put rigged the bag of feathers. More ingenious rope-tricking was involved, but he'd gotten awfully good at it, especially after Allen's room.

Now, his only problem was the torches. It was altogether too bright in here, but he didn't want it so dark that she caught on. Suddenly, an idea came to mind, and he took them down.

She came trotting down the hall, never noticing the bright blur of red that disappeared down the hallway marked with wet floor signs.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm doing pretty good. Only a few more to go!


	5. Komui

- - - - - - - - - -** Komui**

Lavi placed the mug on the desk.

"Here you go," Lavi said with a smile. Komui looked up from the document he was (supposedly) reading. Lavi had checked and double-checked that he'd be distracted. He was, all right. He'd read the same sheet of paper for the past twenty minutes, and Lavi himself knew what report he was holding. Kanda's vocabulary wasn't extensive or lengthy.

"Thank you very much," Komui said. Lavi tried to take a peek at the document, but Komui shifted.

That didn't mean Lavi couldn't see the robot catalogue hiding behind it. Ah, so _that's _what he had his eye on.

"Don't you have somewhere to be? I thought Bookman needed you," Komui said politely, though there was a strange tick under his eye. Lavi shrugged.

"He gave me the day off," Lavi answered. Komui nodded his head, and he turned back to looking at robo- er, Kanda's field report.

As he walked out, Lavi wondered how long it would take Komui to realize the truth. He whistled happily.

* * *

**A/N: **A little different, but still under 500 words. I thought I'd spice it up a little.


	6. Reever

- - - - - - - - - -** Reever**

He decided he wanted to be original.

For a scientist, Reever had very poor powers of observation. He had said 'thank you' for the glass of lemonade and downed the whole thing in one go without ever taking his eyes off the catalog of lab coats and work apparel he was ordering off of. Lavi waited around the corner, and within thirty minutes the drink had done its job. Good thing Bookman's sleeping pills were kept handy.

Usually he went for drawing on faces, but not this time. He had a better idea.

He hadn't planned on drawings, so he'd had to add that to the list, but they'd been easy to make. The brush pen went into Reever's hand, and the sheets of paper were scattered around his head and over the catalog of science materials.

Everybody loved pretty princesses and flying ponies made of friendship.

* * *

**A/N: **Decided on an unexpected twist. Sympathy for Reever or just hilarity? Ingenuity on Lavi's part, or cruelty? Your decision, I guess.


	7. Leverrier

- - - - - - - - - -** Leverrier**

This one, he'd had to be extra careful with timing. And... well, elicit some help. He'd been reluctant, but Lavi managed to convince him.

"Master Leverrier, I'd like to speak to you."

"Can't you see I'm a little busy?"

"Yes, yes, but it's about Allen..."

Lavi slipped into the kitchen, searching for the vial that was crucial to his plan amid the mess on the counter.

"I don't see why this has to interrupt-"

"Sir, Allen is, uh, preoccupied, it seems!"

Lavi could tell Leverrier was losing interest. He found it, unscrewed the cap, stuck in the paper as far down as it would go without detection, and started to fill it with salt.

"...What is he preoccupied with?"

"It appears... a woman, sir."

He hurriedly screwed the cap back onto the container. Hopefully that'd be enough. It looked like he was only making delicate cakes, so it should be just enough.

"What woman? Who?!"

"Uh... Lenalee Lee, sir. He is infatuated, it appears."

"...You are not serious. It is merely teenage tomfoolery! Get out of my sight, I need hear no more."

Leverrier failed to notice the door swinging slightly as he continued his baking.

* * *

**A/N: **And that is the last one until I can think up some more! Give me your ideas on the next victims, if indeed there would be any of them. If I don't hear within a week for more subjects, I will write a sufficient ending in place of them. Bring in those ideas, and don't forget to review!


End file.
